News From Cook’s Corner 12.13.11

Hi, hello & welcome to News From Cook’s Corner! I’m Steve Cook, and I hope you’re having an incredible week! Before we start, I need to apologize to the Impact Wrestling fans out there. Usually the promotion gets its own section in the news column, but there just wasn’t enough behind-the-scenes news to warrant it this week. We hope to have the Impact Wrestling News section return next week because I’ve got a picture of Miss Tessmacher ready for it, but this week it’ll be replaced in the column by another edition of Total Request Cook!

Big week in fantasy football, as I went 4-0 and qualified for the playoffs in three of my leagues. Gotta keep it rolling next week and the week after that, but it feels pretty good. My other team still wishes Marshawn Lynch had gotten good a few weeks ago so they could have made the playoffs too.

Lots of good stuff this week, so let’s get right to it.

Am i the only one who thinks the “it begins” video is now about Karma? It interrupted a Divas video and mentioned “paying for sins committed”. All the Divas ganged up on her on and mocked her on the way out when she left. I’m thinking its Karmas return and not Taker. – Guest#3092

That actually popped into my mind during Raw when the new video was placed right in the middle of Beth & Natalya’s video. Everybody seems convinced on it being one particular person now, but I’m probably not the only one hoping it’s something different. Nothing against the guy that the wrestling insiders & observers think it is, but I’d like that return to be more of a surprise and have this lead to somebody else coming back.

What can I say, I like surprises.

As a Louisville native and UK grad, I think Cook could have been a little more honest about the UK/Louisville dynamic in the commonwealth.

If you’re a Louisville fan, you root for UK…except when they play Louisville.

If you’re a UK fan, you never root for Louisville.

But he was absolutely right about many UK fans been certifiably insane. It’s actually embarrassing as a UK grad. – Joe B. Hall/Denny Crum

I’m willing to defer to you since you live in the Ville, but most of the Louisville fans I know can’t stand UK. I know a few that are total bluebirds (Cardinal fans that root for UK too), but the animosity between Louisville fans & Kentucky fans has definitely grown over the years. If you go to a Louisville message board you’ll see tons of people posting about how horrible Kentucky is at all hours of the day. It may have something to do with the proliferation of technology making it easier for Kentucky & Louisville fans to annoy each other. I also think society’s growing tendency to make people choose a side and stick with it has resulted in more Louisville fans wanting nothing to do with anything blue. It’s a total Red State/Blue State thing, though I’m fairly certain that Louisville fans vote blue in national elections at the same rate that Kentucky fans vote red.

I think John Calipari has done a lot to divide the two fan bases. Louisville fans thought the guy was a scum-sucker when he was coaching at Memphis, and his moving to Lexington just combined the hatred of Cal & UK into uber hate. I know I had an easier time respecting their program when Tubby Smith was coaching them. He lost a few too many games a season for the fans’ liking, and unfortunately there was a section of the fan base that never accepted Tubby because of superficial reasons that people should be over by now, but he was a classy guy and nobody doubted his integrity.

At the end of the day though, the level of dislike a fan has for a rival often coincides with how much stuff they have going on in their life. Kentucky fans I talk to in public are more often than not civil, and some of them don’t even hate Louisville! Kentucky & Louisville fans can co-exist most days of the year…just not on the day of the basketball game.

If WWE is looking for sports programming, they should have ponied up the $10K it would have taken to buy Strikeforce. Combat sports (boxing, MMA) are the most logical inclusion on the WWE Network. – King Tonga

Interesting idea. I wonder if boxing & MMA promoters would be interested in airing their product on WWE Network. The reason I think they might not be interested is because of the perception that WWE is affiliated with “fake” sports, and the sports media may take shots at actual sporting leagues airing their product on the WWE Network. Lots of people assumed the XFL was fake football because Vince McMahon promoting it. Perhaps this is an outdated viewpoint and people have grown past it, but I wonder about these things.

People are looking at calling Sheamus “Great White” all wrong. This is clearly setting up Shark Boy’s entry into WWE. Maybe even Daffney as Shark Girl again. They’re setting up a whole Shark stable.
And if you think it’s impossible, look at Vince’s history and consider what would happen if he found out Shark Week is pretty popular. Pray he never finds out about meerkats. – Guest#6857

People are reading way to much into the Great White nickname. Clearly somebody backstage is an 80’s hairband fan. I fully expect Randy Orton to be called the “White Snake” by the next PPV. – Guest#3569

Both of these killed me. Oh, and I bet there aren’t five of you that have seen Whitesnake in the past two years like I have. Not a bad band, I think they might even have one of the original members left.

Guest#2364 has three questions for us:

Punk is re-starting the Straight Edge Society and was looking to induct Bourne. I thought Bourne was suspended?

Bourne was suspended on November 1, so he was ready to come back last week. He made his big Raw appearance with Punk & lost to Epico on Superstars.

Nash teasing the sledgehammer on Santino was lame. Why didn’t he just hit him with it?

He didn’t need to hit Santino. He just wanted Santino to know that he could do it at anytime, and now Santino will be very nervous anytime he’s around Kevin Nash. Sometimes it’s more fun to make people afraid of you beating them up than actually beating them up. Mind games.

And one small plot hole: why did the other guys fight Ziggler and the like with title shots on the line? What was in it for them?

This is a pretty good question, and one I often wondered about as a kid. Later on I came up with some kayfabe explanations that I think make perfect sense. Here’s what the other guys were fighting for:

-The winners’ share of the purse
-Getting noticed for future title consideration
-Pride
-Wanting to appear on Raw
-Not wanting to get fired for refusing a match

These are all good reasons to wrestle even if you’re not getting a title shot.

Anyone else think Ryder may be the one to turn heel? – The Great Capt. Smooth

It should be pointed out that the Woo Woo Woo Kid came off very whiny during the whole thing where he had to wrestle Cena and then lost to him. I don’t think WWE should turn Ryder as long as he’s selling merchandise, they just made a ton of new items for him and it’d be silly for them to harm sales by turning him right now. I wouldn’t rule it out down the road once sales begin to slow down and Ryder starts to get a backlash from people that think he’s getting too much of a push. You know it’s going to happen, it’s just a matter of time.

I didn’t like the looks of the card on paper, but damn if ROH didn’t deliver again. Was it the greatest show ever? No. Did it have all the great wrestlers I wanted to see? No. But was it a hell of a good time? You bet your ass. Our section was on it’s feet the entire hour and twenty some minutes the main event lasted.

And it was fun watching Generico and Michael Elgin brawl over my wearing my hat. Too bad that resulted in my hat drenched in another man’s sweat. – G-Walla

I haven’t been too impressed with ROH’s recent TV product, but the house shows have been getting positive reviews. Manu Bumb was at the show you talk about here, and he was delighted that he got to see an eighty-minute match. He was also happy that he didn’t get hurt for once, as somehow he always ends up in the way when wrestlers go into a crowd.

The fact that the image conjured up by your mind upon hearing The fact that the image conjured up by your mind upon hearing “Always pounding asses” his homosexual activity, I’m beginning to think that yes… you do swing that way.

Only thing I picture when hearing APA, is getting balls deep in Michele Bachmann while she’s going down on Sarah Palin. – American_Man

This, ladies & gentlemen, will hopefully be the last time that Michelle Bachmann or Sarah Palin will be mentioned in this column. Unless they produce some kind of video resembling American_Man’s fantasy.

And now, the fake news!

Kane returned to the Raw brand on Monday night as a heel, which makes perfect sense because he was taken out of action as a face on Smackdown. Hey, it’s Kane. They’ll do whatever they want with him and he’ll still be over. It’s interesting because he’s let his hair grow out and he’s rocking the mask again, so he’s going all old school with it. The hairline wasn’t looking too good the last time I saw a picture of him online, and it was tough to tell on Raw with all the red light going on, but at least they’re doing something with him that isn’t what we’ve been seeing the past few years.

Also, it gives John Cena something to do until WrestleMania. So there’s that.

Goldust is continuing to campaign for a match with his half-brother Cody Rhodes at WrestleMania XXVIII. He did make an appearance on last night’s Raw, so perhaps the wheels are in motion for something as far as that goes. Quite possibly the most important news involving the Rhodes family this week is the fact that Dusty is now on Twitter and is already the best tweeter ever. He’s a lot better than Goldie, who mostly bitches at people and blocks them.

Michael Cole’s commentary on last week’s SmackDown got a negative review from Jim Ross. Ross was not impressed with Cole’s response to Josh Mathews’ claim that he speaks out of both sides of his mouth. Cole remarked that there was nothing wrong with his mouth, unlike Ross’s. He also compared Lilian Garcia’s face to that of a horse, which was a real classy way to welcome her back to the company. Usually we can chalk up Cole’s ridiculous commentary to Vince McMahon, who frequently uses Cole to amuse himself by bashing his employees, but McMahon was not at SmackDown last week due to his trip to Afghanistan. Ross pinned the blame on “a writer”. Given the subject matter and the maturity involved, I’m going to float out the idea that Cole wasn’t being produced by a writer, but by a certain son-in-law that’s helped produce announcing in Vince’s absence before.

Rumor has it that Alex Riley is in the doghouse with WWE management for some reason. I would love to know if this is for a reason other than “he’s not all that great”. Riley looked like he had some potential after he turned on Miz, but he didn’t really deliver in the Miz matches and then he had that horrible match with Jack Swagger on Raw where he sandbagged the dude on the Doctor Bomb. It’s too bad his feud with Dolph Ziggler got kiboshed, Dolph would have made him look like a million bucks and he’d still be over. I have no doubt in my mind about that.

Speculation is abound on all the news sites that Kelly Kelly is positioning herself for life after WWE. The rumor is that she’s looking for gigs in acting & modeling in late 2012. I would guess that’s when her contract with WWE expires. This would not come as a surprise if for no other reason that every Diva before her has reached that point. In fact, I even hinted at it in the 11.29.11 edition of this column when talking about a new WWE developmental diva signing:

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that WWE has their Kelly Kelly replacement on deck. The girl’s appearing in Maxim now, so she’s probably on the verge of being too big of a star for wrestling. It happened to Trish, Stacy, Maria, Sable & countless others, and it’ll happen to Kelly. Not that I have any idea what Kelly will do after wrestling, but I’m already looking forward to the shoot interviews and the videos of her teaching indy girls how to work. It’ll be a hoot.

Kelly denies the reports and says that WWE is her home. Of course, everybody before her said the same thing. She’d be a fool if she wasn’t testing the waters outside WWE. OK, I know most of you think she’s a fool anyway, but work with me here. The fact of the matter is that the shelf-life of a WWE Diva just isn’t all that long. Kelly’s had a nice run, she’s been with the company since June 2006 and has brought pleasure to audiences across the world. She’s done her time, if she wants to leave while she’s still in the prime of her attractiveness and can make money off of it, more power to her.

Speaking of Diva news, Kaitlyn joined Beth Phoenix & Natalya in their group at last week’s SmackDown taping, but the segment was removed from the episode. No word yet on if it’s expected to happen in the future or not, but usually segments getting removed is not a good sign. It’d be bad news for Kaitlyn if it doesn’t happen, as learning from Beth & Natalya would be a great opportunity for her.

Brian James, better known as “Road Dogg” Jesse James during his time as part of the New Age Outlaws, has returned to WWE and is working as a producer. Road Dogg is one of those guys that I think don’t get enough credit for how good they were in their prime, mostly because we remember the later stage of their career where they weren’t so good. Yes, most of his work in TNA was brutal, but the dude was a big part of the Attitude Era with his catchphrases and the NAO being an integral part of the tag team division. It’s always good to see Armstrongs getting work.

Jack Korpela has left WWE. Korpela had been announcing on Superstars & NXT up until early November, when he decided he was not going to renew his contract. Honestly, I don’t think I’ve watched ten shows that Korpela appeared on during his time with WWE. He appeared all over international stuff, and apparently he had everybody’s back, but I never saw much of his work. So I have no idea whether this guy was any good or not.

You may remember Mick Foley returning to WWE a few weeks ago. Apparently the writers have been coming up with plenty of ideas for him, but Vince McMahon has been shooting them all down. The article I read about it didn’t really explain why, but I can understand why it wouldn’t be prudent to use Foley each and every week. He’s a guy that’s better in small doses at this point. Maybe give him a WrestleMania program, let him dress up like Santa Claus, show up for the “big” Raws & Smackdowns, guest appearances at house shows, things like that, but Foley doesn’t need to be a featured performer on television every single week.

Vince may not be high on St. Mick, but he does love him some Bella Twins. He feels that the writers have blown many easy angles with them, and has demanded that they receive more television time and be in more matches, as he feels they have strong PR value & marketability because they’re hot twins. Well, duh. People love twins.

Of course, Vince’s love of the Bellas just lends fuel to the fire of speculation on why Nikki & Brie are so popular with WWE management. Maria Kanellis has been making some interesting remarks about the Bellas on the AfterBuzzTV post-Raw show as of late, and while she maintains that they’re in reference to the characters the Bellas play on television, not everybody buys that explanation from her. It’s a shame that a woman can’t do anything in pro wrestling without being accused of sleeping with somebody to earn their spot, but we haven’t graduated past that yet. Perhaps someday we will.

Don’t expect to see Tough Enough winner Andy Leavine on television anytime soon. When Jim Ross was asked when Andy might be brought up to the main roster on Twitter, JR said that it wasn’t imminent and he has a lot of work to do. Considering most people didn’t think he should have won Tough Enough, this isn’t exactly surprising. I would expect Andy to get a shot if Tough Enough returns to the airwaves. Bill DeMott said last week that he was waiting on an announcement regarding the show, and I guess he’s still waiting on it because I haven’t seen one.

Referee Marc Harris is out of action with a broken nose. In case you’re wondering which referee that is…it’s one of the black ones. Sigh, I remember the days when I could recognize all of the referees, and now I only know Charles Robinson, Mike Chioda & Scott Armstrong. The rest of them are interchangeable, but I don’t hate them for one simple reason: they’re not Todd Sinclair.

Those of you that wish that Brock Lesnar was still with WWE may be in for a treat in a few months! Alistair Overeem, who will be fighting Brock on December 30 as long as the Nevada State Athletic Commission says it’s ok, is promising MMA fans that Brock won’t be disgracing their sport with his presence much longer:

“I know my fans are worried that I am distracted right now but trust me, to compare the situation that had me go back to Holland two weeks ago to what I was dealing with back in 2006-07, it isn’t even close. I say to MMA fans, again, don’t worry, I will be sending this guy back to WWE for you.”

It’ll be interesting to see how that works out for him. All of the MMA experts are jumping on the Overeem bandwagon, so I expect Brock to win. That’s usually how it works.

-Oh yeah, it’s Slammy night! I always look forward to these things, then I get bored within an hour and the next couple of hours are an unbelievable drag.

-Booker T & Hornswoggle present the “Tell Me I Did Not Just See That” Award. I wonder if ‘Swoggle winning that battle royal a couple of weeks back will be one of the nominees.

-I don’t understand Hornswoggle any more now that he can talk.

-JR’s dancing skills should win, I don’t care what the other nominees are.

-JR wins the Slammy! Shucky Ducky Quack Quack indeed!

-Booker T wants a rap-off between JR & Cole. This will either be horrible, fantastic, or both.

-Cole’s rapping skills are just as good as his announcing skills.

-I think the fans may be somewhat biased towards JR.

-I’m not sure a JR-Rooni is physically possible.

-Well, that kind of happened.

-Bret tweeted that he was happy they showed Owen during the opening. I wonder if Martha will be…

-Foley & Ted Sr. come out to the Million Dollar Man music. Yeah, if I had the choice of music there I’d choose Ted’s too.

-The Holy @#$% award should go to Big Show & Mark Henry aspolding the ring.

-Hey, I’m 2 for 2! How do they decide who gets to keep the Slammy? Does Mark Henry get one too or is all Show’s? Suckas gots to know, Tony!

-Wade Barrett made a list of his Fave Five NFL Quarterbacks that generated some Twitter controversy last night. I believe @OTT_FF said it best when he said “We love you man, but a Top 5 QB list without Rodgers is like a Top 5 British Wrestlers list without Regal.”

-The Big Show feud didn’t go well for Barrett, but he wasn’t on his barrage back then.

-I know they were building Show & Barrett’s matches at TLC, but why did they have a table, a ladder and a chair around the ring during a match where you can get disqualified? Talk about tempting somebody.

-Hey, it’s the Road Dogg! You can call somebody, but your ass doesn’t need to.

-Pipe Bomb of the Year!

-I’m not really sure what the nominees are, but most of this has been pretty funny.

-I figure Punk has to win his own award.

-And he does! 3 for 3!

-Where the hell did he get a Dynamic Dudes t-shirt?

-Johnny Ace video to “The Touch” = Greatest Thing Ever

-JR is profusely apologizing for his segment on Twitter. Probably the right move.

-Hey, it’s Lita! I wonder who drove her.

-Diva of the Year probably goes to Kelly, right? Not saying she deserves it, but I imagine she’ll get the nod.

-4 for 4! These have been way too easy to predict so far.

-Jeesh, there’s a lot of red in that WWE ‘12 clip.

-Speaking of red, the Bellas look very good in red. Much better than Mark Henry.

-Boy, that was some convincing line reading by the Bella on the right.

-Punk should win, but I think HHH gets it for tombstoning Undertaker. He does need to make a comeback before TLC.

-5 for 5!

-David Otunga & Tony Atlas! There’s a pair.

-How I’ve missed Tony’s laugh.

-A Slammy Award based on who trends first on Twitter? Huh.

-Cody deserves it. Bryan deserves it. Ziggler deserves it. Zack Ryder’s gonna win.

-And now the OTT_FF tweeters are arguing over who should trend with dueling tweets. The 29 people following us might not be following us much longer after this foolishness.

-“Michael Cole ur damn fool. King beat u like Gov Mule. I should call Raw ur not in my class. U kissed kings feet now u can kiss my ass! Whew.”

-I bet the Raw writers wrote it down just like that too.

-I appreciate the effort from all four men here, but they should calm down since everybody’s ignoring it so they can tweet peoples’ names.

-Tony Atlas was trending before any of these people, by the way.

-Ziggler wins the match, but Ryder trends for the Slammy! 6 for 6. Dolph of course being the true heel, keeps the Slammy for himself. Nice!

-Does the Slammys really need multiple theme songs?

-Christian returns to present the Gamechanger of the Year. Hmm, Triple H already won one Slammy.

-I forgot how awesome Vince’s pink blazer was.

-Rock & Cena have to win this, right? But has Rock cut a promo to accept his award?

-Yup, 7 for 7.

-They should have done the promo with Cena & Piper wherever tonight’s show is. It would have made more sense in front of this crowd that doesn’t like Cena too much.

-Remember when CM Punk beat up Randy Orton in front of his wife and Randy’s wife looked like she wanted to do Punk? Maybe that’s how they became friendly enough to be a tag team here.

-Everybody in this match is very tan.

-And Miz wins. Squee?

-Miz & Del Rio beat Punk down with the ladder. I’m sure they’ll get along famously at TLC and one of them will beat Punk for the title. That always works, right?

-Dubstep time! I think I like this music a lot more than I should. It’s catchy.

-Vickie & Goldust come out to present the A-Lister award. There’s a couple!

-Speak in the microphone, Goldust!

-There is no justice if the Muppets don’t win, though Hugh Jackman is a close second here.

-Ugh, Snooki? I’m ok with being 7 for 8.

-Spencer Mallard has material for the next twelve months.

-OTTer The Grinch makes a great point though: How come Snooki is willing to send in a pre-taped thank you & the Rock isn’t? Interesting.

-I was about to complain about Jinder Mahal being in a match, but Sheamus put a stop to that quickly.

-Why’s Whitey gotta hold the Indian down?

-Rey Mysterio comes out to try and wake up the crowd in the arena and at home, with mixed results.

-Superstar of the Year…probably Punk, right?

-He reserves his disgust for ADR.

-CM Punk is a two-time winner tonight! 8 for 9 ain’t too shabby.

-Johnny Ace comes out to accept Punk’s Slammy on his behalf. That’s nice of him.

-Why is Jericho beckoning a girl? I hope this doesn’t lead to a Chyna return.

-They show a soldier’s family in the front row. Good stuff.

-I like that Lawler has a favorite wrestler other than Cena now.

-Is Cena about to get his ass kicked & wig split? I have my doubts.

-Lawler referred to somebody named “Zack Henry”, and that trended on Twitter.

-Cena & Henry have a match, then Kane comes out! Crap, now I gotta re-write part of the column.

-Chokeslam for Cena!

-Kane removes a large helmet to reveal a new-school type of mask. It’s tough to tell how cool it is when it’s all lit up in red.

-You always want to end your show on a strong note, and Kane returning definitely excited the WWE fan base. I saw tons of messages online about how Kane was going to smash through everybody. With that and a tremendous four-way, it’s tough to get too angry about this show…though I’m sure some people will find a way.

We are reaching the time of year where there just isn’t a whole lot of wrestling news to talk about. Things tend to wind down during the holiday season, with wrestling companies typically in cruise control and everybody being in the holiday spirit. There just isn’t as much drama when everybody is happy, right? So expect a whole lot of Total Request Cook this month. I posted requests on my Facebook page & Offtheteam.com for topics for me to talk about over the next few weeks, and here’s some of what I got!

Talk about how sad Bengals fans are compared to the last time we got an episode of TRC – Brian

Yes, let’s start on a positive note! The Bengals have lost four out of five and look to have knocked themselves out of the playoffs by giving a game away to Houston on Sunday. They’ve got St. Louis, Arizona & Baltimore left and need to win all three to have a chance…they should take St. Louis, Arizona’s a question mark though, and Baltimore’s performance will depend on if the game matters for them or not. I think it will.

You just have to keep in mind that we didn’t expect the Bengals to go to the playoffs this year anyway. This was a building year, and the first half of the season did a lot to get guys like Dalton & Green going in the league. Hopefully they’ll learn from the lessons of the second half of the season.

Is there anyone in TNA that could possibly make a splash in the WWE? – Old Jay

TNA does have some really good talent on their roster. The problem is that most of them are either too small, too old, or have totally burned their bridges with the company. Here are the three guys I think would actually have a chance to do good things…

Samoa Joe: He would have supporters in high places (Austin, Punk), and if he got himself in shape he’d be a solid addition to the roster. I’m not saying he’d be a main eventer, he’d be a solid mid-carder with a chance for elevation if he caught on with the people. Joe’s very charismatic in person, but it hasn’t translated on TNA television since about 2006.

James Storm: Hulk Hogan wasn’t kidding when he said that Storm has appeal to a certain demographic. WWE doesn’t have any really good redneck wrestlers these days, and he’s a solid performer that can cut good promos.

Robert Roode: Roode’s got the size that WWE likes, he’s a decent talker, and a good worker. I think he’d fit in well with most of the WWE roster.

Those are the sure-fire bets in my book, though Joe’s chances really depend on what kind of shape he’s in. Storm & Roode are good to go. I think they’d like to do something big with Sting, but it wouldn’t be long term so I didn’t include him here.

Discuss the greatness of Tebow Time. – Larry Csonka

I think Skip Bayless does it better than I can:

Trent Howell & I were among the first people to jump on the Tim Tebow bandwagon, and it’s been pretty amazing to watch the last eight weeks of Denver Bronco football. They’ve gone from being completely irrelevant to the most followed team in the National Football League. How crazy is that? Every single week the Broncos head into the 4th quarter losing, but they’re still close enough for Tebow to start doing some things and the Broncos getting the win. It’s definitely a team effort with the defense doing their job and some amazing special teams play, but you can’t deny the team’s been galvanized since Tebow took over. You can’t argue with 7-1. You just can’t.

With Jennings going down, should McCarthy rest his players or go for 16-0? With Todd Haley out in KC, who will be the next head coach to be shown the door? – Bluejaygrad

I’m always in favor of teams trying to win every single game. Of course you have to be smart about it, and the Packers weren’t smart about it on Sunday because there was no reason for Jennings to even be in the game when they were up 31-0 on Oakland. The Raiders weren’t coming back from that, the Pack could have sat everybody and it would have been good. You have to go for immortality…you’ll be remembered forever if you’re the first team to go 19-0. Most people can’t name all the Super Bowl Champions, but everybody knows the 1972 Dolphins because they’re the ones that went undefeated. If the Packers do that, they’ll enter that stratosphere.

The answer to your answer was Tony Sparano. As for other head coaches that’ll probably hit the bricks before the 2012 season:

-Mike Shanahan: Washington’s done nothing since he took over and Dan Snyder’s not known for his patience.
-Norv Turner: If San Diego misses the playoffs he’s gone. If they make a run and get in, he’ll stick around.
-Jim Caldwell: He’s been exposed with Peyton Manning on the shelf, the Colts need to refresh things and start anew with Andrew Luck.
-Steve Spagnuolo: I had to look up who the Rams coach was, as I had absolutely no idea. This guy’s been here three years and won ten games. Not good.
-Pat Shurmer: Browns have under-performed and everybody scratched their head when he was hired anyway. The treatment of Colt McCoy’s concussion may be the tipping point.

There will probably be more, but I think those guys will be next to go. Andy Reid will probably be saved by a strong Eagles finish. If the Cowboys continue to choke, maybe Jerry Jones will say “screw it” and make Rob Ryan the head coach. Everybody already thinks he is anyway.

You can talk about the torrid love affair between Hogan and Brutus the Barber Beefcake*

*Beefcake name verified by Hogan – Jay Boune

I’ve been avoiding talking about the Hulk/Linda mess, but this tidbit seems to have taken off lately. Hulk is suing Linda over her claim in various media outlets that he had an affair with his longtime best friend. If it was true, it certainly wasn’t a monogamous relationship. Hogan had chemistry with guys all over the WWF. Savage, Okerlund, Vince…if he was gay he probably had his way with all of them. Who could forget this promo he cut on the Macho Man at WrestleMania?

Beefcake would probably have been all over the roster. Dude was from San Francisco and you saw those tights he liked to wear…yeah, he got around. Remember the Dream Team with him & Greg Valentine? You know who was wearing the pants in that relationship, even if Greg did wear the same tights for about twenty years.

No, I’m just kidding. I tend to believe Hogan & Brutus when they say they didn’t have a romantic relationship. I think if they did more people would have mentioned it on shoot interviews and things like that. It wouldn’t have been a secret from the rest of the wrestlers, and it’s not like people from that era are big on keeping secrets. Also, I don’t want them to sue me.

Join us next week for more Total Request Cook! Yes, I’ve got some topics ready.

John Morrison posted a video last week telling his fans that he was going to take some time off. He figures that if he takes some time off now to recharge and heal up from lingering injuries, it will add years to his career down the line. He’s going to start training now, so when he returns he should be at his best. The description on his YouTube video promises a list of people in WWE he doesn’t like coming next week…I think he’s joking, but you can never be sure about these things. I’m also not sure that he won’t pop up in Orlando in a couple of weeks.

Would you like to spend some time with Chyna? If so, you can go to a website that offers “porn star escorts” and spend the evening with her. I dunno, I’ve always said that I’d be pretty happy with myself if people were willing to pay to spend the evening with me.

Rob Terry & Anarquia have been sent to OVW to get some seasoning. I’m not sure what it says that a guy that was one-half of TNA’s Tag Team Champions a month ago was sent to OVW to learn more about pro wrestling and I nodded my head and said “makes sense”. Probably nothing good.

Amy Dumas, better known as WWE’s Lita, was arrested over the weekend in Georgia. Seems she was speeding (Eh, lots of people do that) and driving with a suspended license (That‘s not good). There are no reports that she was intoxicated, but people in OMEGA fantasy leagues that own Lita should still get some good points out of this.

The Asylum Arena is getting new ownership, and there were rumors going around that the venue would no longer host wrestling events. The new owner plans on turning the Arena into a music venue, and while it‘s not impossible to hold wrestling events at a concert hall, obviously they wouldn‘t have first priority. Apparently CZW ownership will be meeting with the new owner sometime this week to discuss the promotion’s future at the venue. CZW & EVOLVE will still be holding a double-header at the arena on January 14, but those are the last scheduled wrestling events and there will be a remodeling taking place afterwards. CZW & CHIKARA will be relocating their wrestling schools, exactly where to is unknown at this time. It’s a tough break for Philly-area indy feds, as the arena was a recognizable place to hold a wrestling show. It wasn’t in the best of neighborhoods, but if you’re a Philadelphia wrestling fan you know where it is. It’ll be interesting to see if the indy feds that regularly run the old ECW Arena can find a new venue to make their own.

In other Asylum Arena news, the Juggalo Championship Wrestling iPPV scheduled to take place there on December 30th has been cancelled by the new owners. The athletic commission was not happy after the last JCW event there due to unauthorized usage of light tubes. Apparently you can get light tube usage authorized, which must be a hilarious conversation to listen in on.

Terra Calaway didn’t have a column this week, which is all right because she was a little busy wrestling Winter. I was hoping for a review of the match to put in this week’s column, but somebody did the same thing they did the last time they saw Terra wrestle and didn’t do one for me. I’m not going to mention him by name, but it’s Tony Acero. 411 posted a video of the titanic struggle on the news wire, here’s another video recording of the match if you missed it the first time:

Hopefully you guys enjoyed the first actual in-ring battle between 411 & Impact Wrestling! I for one couldn’t be prouder of Terra as her career continues to reach new heights. She’s got a long way to go before she reaches the top, but she’s got the dedication & desire to make it happen. 2012 will be the year of the Terradactyl, no doubt about it.

The Greg DeMarco Show welcomed the Almighty Sheik to give his take on the controversy surrounding his NWA title run and his future in pro wrestling. Lots of big stuff going on with Greg’s show, as it’s now also being carried on The Voice of Choice Nation Website. To the best of my knowledge I have not been banned from appearing on the show. Yet.

Your humble correspondent made a trip to the Movies Zone last week to take part in Fact or Fiction. Good times, but it needed more Amy Adams.

Speaking of Fact or Fiction, I’ll be making my return to MMA Fact or Fiction this week to take on the honorable Todd Bergman. I don’t think I quite had my A game going this week, but fortunately it’s a non-title match and just a tuneup for the next tournament. No shame in losing to Todd anyway, he’s good people and knows his stuff.

Berenstein brings the honor.

Hawke continued his series of interviews with Kevin Steen. He seems less sinister when talking to Hawke.

Bazar ranks the top ten underachievers of 2011. I don’t think Matt Hardy belongs on this list…did anybody expect him to achieve anything in 2011? I sure didn’t.

Well, that’s all we have time for this week! Nick Marsico will be in tomorrow with the WedWi, and I’ll be back next week with more News From Cook’s Corner! Until then…